I feel lonely

Even though I am at home, working from home, and spending time with my family, I noticed I am even more lonely than I had ever been.

Lockdown 1 had been a blessing in disguise for me, where WFH started and I was at Mumbai. I worked out and lost 20 KG in a span of 6 months.

I maintained that weight for a couple of months, came to my home for my sister’s marriage and slowly and steadily gained 10 KG.

I then went back to Mumbai again, focused on losing weight and even lost 8-10 kg despite I was going for office.

Then I heard most of my friends were moving on to other companies by upgrading themselves and I was depressed at my inability to do the same, despite trying.

Which lead me to eat more, stop exercising and gain back all the weight I had lost earlier and then some more.

I came back to my home for break during Jan 2022 and Lockdown was announced once again and my struggle to lose weight only increased.

Sometimes, I was able to workout for few days, but I couldn’t stick to my diet. At other times, it was vice versa.

What was consistent was my failure.

I am an extreme introvert and have very less friends. I wanted to share what I have been going through with someone.

Whenever I try to talk about my troubles with my friends and families, they kept on using similar words to disconnect from my call.

I was busy.

I am getting a call and I have to take this.

Someone is calling me for an important work.

Again and again.

My family was pretty disappointed in me. Though they tried to be nice to me, I could see it was affecting them as well. I can especially feel the disappointment oozing from my father and it was making me feel even more worthless.

As I was drowning myself in the throes of misery, I started to analyze where I had gone wrong. what I did during the times when I did achieve whatever I set out to.

I realized that at the time I was happy/achieved weight loss or did something to improve myself, I did something.

I wrote.

Through first draft of a novel I was working on and writing blogposts regularly.

I realized writing is a therapy for me, that worked wonders on my life.

Whenever I stopped writing, it lead to me being depressed or feeling like a failure.

I started to feel lonely.

The times when I felt the same and was writing, I was able to get back up and continue marching towards my goals.

So I vow to myself that I am not lonely.

Not anymore.

I have my family with me. Friends or colleagues, who are to some extent not interested in me. But at the same time have my back if some help was required, if it was within reason.

I enjoy and love writing.

I vow to myself and to my readers that I will resume blogging again, sharing my experiences and stories I come up with. And thereby lead it’s success to my professional life as well as with my weight issues.

Let’s toast and hope that I will come out of this rut and manage it better than I had been doing till now.

Regards,

Nagendra.

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